JHU約翰霍普金斯、埃默里優(yōu)秀文書及招生官點評合集，速來領(lǐng)取！

雖然申請季還沒有正式拉開序幕，不過很多今年將要申請的同學(xué)已經(jīng)在構(gòu)思自己的文書啦。

畢竟各種大小文書壓力加在一起也不小，這些都不是能夠“一蹴而就”的，反復(fù)修改打磨的前提就是充分的時間。

在寫文書之前，免不了找一些過往的優(yōu)秀文書給自己增加一些靈感，小編特意給大家整理了JHU、埃默里兩所大學(xué)官方認(rèn)可的優(yōu)秀文書，趕快收藏起來吧！

約翰霍普金斯大學(xué)
優(yōu)秀文書

以下為JHU官方發(fā)布的2025屆學(xué)生優(yōu)秀文書范本：

1Rozanne
Lifelong Learning
The white yarn slipped off my aluminium crochet hook, adding a single crochet to rows and rows of existing stitches, that looked to be in the form of a blob. Staring at the image of the little unicorn amigurumi lit up on the screen of my laptop, and looking back at the UMO (unidentified messy object) number five, I was extremely perplexed.

This had seemed so easy. Round 1, construct a magic circle with 6 single crochets. Done. Round 2 was an increase round resulting in a total of 12 stitches. Also done. The remaining rounds were blurred into hours and minutes that should have resulted in a little white creature in the likeness of a unicorn, but sitting on my desk (much like the four days before today) was a pool of tangled white yarn. It was not until day seven that a creature with a lopsided head whose horn was the only identifier of the mythical being emerged.

Very much like learning how to crochet, my journey in forging my own path and finding a passion was confusing, messy and at times infuriating. Even in primary school, I had heard all the stories of individuals finding their own route in life. I had been told stories of those who found their passion at a young age and were exceptionally proficient at their craft, of those that abandoned their interests and pursued a lucrative career, even those who chose their dreams but regretted it afterwards. This weighed heavily on me, as I was determined to have a success story as many of my other family members had. The only problem was that I did not have a direction.

In the years following primary school, I stepped out of my comfort zone in a frenzy to find a passion. I joined the school orchestra where I played the violin, and a debate class to practice public speaking and become much more eloquent. At my ballet school, I branched out to contemporary and jazz dance. I stuffed myself with experience similar to an amigurumi engorged with batting. I found myself enjoying all of those activities but soon enough, I was swamped with extracurriculars. Just like the tangles of white yarn on my desk, I was pulled in all directions. I still felt lost. To make things worse, it seemed as if everyone else had found their path in life, and they had all become white unicorns while I was still doubting the stitch I just made.

It was not until high school that I realised that I could view this mission to find a passion from another perspective. While successfully completing a crochet project is an accomplishment itself, the motions of making slip knots, single or double crochets takes you on an adventure as well. The knots that I had encountered in my craft were evidence of my experiences and what shaped me as an individual. My exploration of various paths through detours may have sometimes resulted in roadblocks, but I continued to persevere and learn from my experiences, applying the skills that I have gained to future knots. The mini adventures that I went on were all crucial to me in the greater journey of life.

Through trial and error, the current adventure that I am on resonates the most with me, taking me down the path of service and environmental activism. However, I have learnt that no one path is static, and I can be on more than one path at a time. While I may only be halfway to the proportionate unicorn amigurumi that some others may have already achieved, I still have so much to learn and so much that I want to learn, and so my journey to grow continues.

學(xué)生的話
在我的活動清單中，我選擇寫下我最熱衷的部分。這篇文章不僅展現(xiàn)了我的愛好（鉤針編織、折紙和閱讀），也展現(xiàn)了我生活經(jīng)歷對我的形象個性的塑造。

招生官點評
Rozanne在文書中展示了自己追求一種新的愛好，她為找到自己的激情所做的更大努力。雖然一開始可能看起來很混亂和令人困惑，但投入必要的努力和時間會帶來非常有意義的結(jié)果。

Rozanne的作品還涉及了其他幾項對她影響深遠(yuǎn)的活動，包括舞蹈、環(huán)保活動等。

在更大的層面上，這篇文書讓招生委員會看到她是一個會利用機(jī)會的人，通過多種方式參與社區(qū)活動，走出舒適區(qū)并能夠自我反思。

2SAMUEL
Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone

If you told me I would be playing a sport called squash at 11 years old, I would call you crazy. But in seventh grade, I was at a new school 10 times bigger than my last one. I felt like a little fish in a big pond. I was quiet, withdrawn, and very introverted. A lot of the time, I stayed where I was comfortable.

During the first week of school, a group of people visited the school and they introduced themselves as Squashbusters. At that time, I’d only heard of Squash once before, but I didn’t really know what it was. Because the program combined the sport of squash with academic support, mentoring, and service opportunities, I decided to sign up. It’s been six years and this program has made a monumental difference in my life.

Being a part of SquashBusters is a program that really pushed me out of my shell to the point where I’ve grown accustomed to challenging myself. In SquashBusters, they tell us to push ourselves past our limits on the squash courts, but that mindset has transferred to other areas of my life as well. From team trips and tournaments to cringy karaoke moments and participating in eccentric traditions like our annual SquashBusters Olympics, my comfort zone has steadily grown larger. My peers brought out a side of me I didn’t even know existed. I haven’t transformed completely from introvert to extrovert, but I’ve become more social as the years go by.

At Hopkins, I want to do something similar. I want to try new things and embrace the campus traditions. Even though I will develop intellectually from the many academic classes and clubs/activities offered on campus, I feel as though a true community is birthed from exploring beyond what one’s used to. From traditions like Blue Jay Opening Day and the Spring Fair to the many world-changing clubs like the Amnesty International club and the Foreign Affairs Symposium, the different ways to be involved in the Hopkins community is limitless and invigorating and I can’t wait to be a part of the Hopkins family.

學(xué)生的話
我想給現(xiàn)在正在寫文書的同學(xué)一些建議，要記住初稿很少會寫得很好，所以一定要盡可能地多寫，還要給自己很多時間來接受來自同齡人、老師和自己的修改意見。

招生官點評
Samuel的文章是對將自己推離舒適區(qū)的反思，這不僅是重要的人生課程，也是JHU學(xué)生每天都在做的事情。

我們的學(xué)生突破發(fā)現(xiàn)的界限，在課堂內(nèi)外面臨挑戰(zhàn)，并追求新的激情。

Samuel體現(xiàn)了這些特征，并且能夠?qū)⑺诒谇驁錾蠈W(xué)到的經(jīng)驗應(yīng)用到生活其他領(lǐng)域。

我們可以相信，對于未來的各種學(xué)術(shù)或課外活動機(jī)會，他都能夠積極面臨并克服挑戰(zhàn)。

3ELIZABETH
Red Over Black

“Bring the ace of spades up,” my Grandmother said as we started our first game of solitaire after I got home from school. “Now, put the black eight onto the red nine.” We played solitaire often, working together to reorganize the cards most efficiently. While it was meant to be a single-player game, solitaire was the one thing we did together, moving and dealing the cards in a symphony of order: red to black, red to black. Pulling the pattern out of the random array of cards.

For hours, we sat at our glossy kitchen table, playing game after game. If there were no more moves to make, I would always sneak a card from below a column without my grandma seeing. She always did. I couldn’t understand- What was the big deal of revealing the cards? We might win one out of ten games played. But if we just ‘helped ourselves,’ as I liked to call it, we could win them all. I didn’t understand her adherence to the “Turn Three” rule. Why not just turn the cards one by one? It was too frustrating to see the cards go by, but turn exactly three and not be able to pick them up! After one game we lost, I asked my grandma, “Why do we play this way? There’s a much better way to play.” In response, she quickly explained her adamancy to the rules, what before had made no sense to me.

Her polished fingernails scratched against the cards as she shuffled them and told me. “Solitaire isn’t just a game for one person.” Her deep brown eyes sharply glanced at me, “No.” It wasn’t just a game for one person, but rather for two sides of a person. It was an internal battle, a strengthening of the mind. One playing against oneself. “If one side of you cheats, how would either side get better?”

Red lipsticked lips slightly grinned as my grandma saw me trying to understand, but I didn’t agree with this thought at once. The cards rhythmically slapped down onto the table as my grandmother, small yet stoic, effortlessly moved the cards with frail hands. I watched her. I thought about any other way to understand this idea. I desperately wanted to. Trying to think, I couldn’t imagine another instance where this sense of tranquility, bringing the melody of organization out of a cacophony of random cards, came from such intense competition.

The slow manipulation of life around her precedent made me think back to my grandma, to what she told me, and made me understand. Two years later, pushing myself harder than I ever had before in a field hockey match, I realized how much I had been cheating myself and my team by not putting this effort in before. Four years later, I was helping my parents clean after dinner when I saw the value in not taking the easy way out. Five years later, I found once again the difficult ease in pottery. Lifting the pot off the wheel, I found satisfaction. Looking back, I hadn’t realized that this notion of self-accountability appears in almost every aspect of my life.

Seven columns. Four aces. Fifty-two cards. Laying these down, I’m brought back to playing solitaire with my grandmother. Through time, her inner spirit never crumbled as her body began to deteriorate. Her mind stayed strong and proud. I admired her for that more than she could’ve imagined. Each challenge I face, or will face, in life, I think back to her lesson one inconspicuous afternoon. Never let myself cheat. Always hold myself accountable. Work hard in every competition, especially the ones against myself, as those are the ones that better me the most. I did not understand what my grandmother meant that day. Now, with each day, I do more.

學(xué)生的話
我想通過文書向招生官展示我的個性和我最看重的東西。

我在文章中列出我負(fù)責(zé)、努力工作、自我提升等，是通過申請系統(tǒng)很難體現(xiàn)的，我希望招生官了解我的世界觀和其形成的原因。

招生官點評
許多學(xué)生想在文書中分享他們生活中的重要人物或家庭成員，挑戰(zhàn)在于如何確保文書仍然是圍繞申請人的，而不是偏移重點到其他人身上。

Elizabeth在這點就做得很好，她把祖母的故事融入其中，同時仍然把注意力集中在自己身上，講述了她在那個特定的時刻學(xué)到了什么、對她生活的影響等。

此外，盡管Elizabeth一開始就關(guān)注童年經(jīng)歷，但她將其帶回了她的日常生活，并將她的責(zé)任感和如何努力工作貫穿始終。

了解Elizabeth是誰以及她的價值觀，有助于我們了解她將在我們的校園社區(qū)中成為什么樣的人。

更多JHU學(xué)生優(yōu)秀文書范本，
可掃碼添加顧問老師領(lǐng)取！

埃默里大學(xué)
優(yōu)秀文書

Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.
題目：講述一個你生活中的故事，描述一個可以展示你的性格或幫助塑造它的經(jīng)歷。

1 Use rhetoric to engage your reader

“How prone to doubt, how cautious are the wise!”
-Homer

“D’oh!”
-Homer Simpson

I’m not a philosopher; eloquence eludes me, the meaning of life is unquestioned, and thinking, beyond what is required to carry out a potential, is postponed to a more leisurely time. I’ve experienced doubt, and proceeded with caution; and in my experience, I’ve learned to discard unnecessary thought and conventional wisdom in favor of progress. Philosophy amounts to nothing unless it results in action.

“You’re kidding.” Scanning my schedule, my classmate shakes her head. “Why didn’t you take Dual Credit?” During Junior year, my high school began to incentivize Dual Credit courses with a GPA multiplier. Advertised to be less demanding than an AP class, Dual Credit was extolled as the wise man’s curriculum. So, mustering all the wisdom I had, I took 6 AP classes, and frankly, I enjoyed their depth. When it comes to education, I’m not cautious – and I’m prone to doubt. I just act. If I want chemistry, then I get chemistry; if I’m intrigued by psychology, then I pursue psychology. There is no point in pondering the inevitable; I am determined to take educational opportunities. I’ll judge the difficulty for myself after I complete it.

The practice of prioritizing action has proved useful in my pursuits. In ninth grade, I could have doubted my capability; instead I ran for office in the school’s health club and earned a position in the eleventh grade. That year, there was a debate amongst the members over meeting schedules: if the Technology Students Association meeting coincided with ours, how would we attract new members? As the club officers weighed the costs and benefits amongst themselves, I left the meeting and signed up for the technology club, discussed an agreement, and voted for the technology club to move its meetings to the second half of lunch before scheduling the Health club meetings for the first half. Did it require thinking? No. Eloquence? Hardly. Contrary to the anticipated speeches and club-based patriotism, it only took clear action and a request to solve the conflict. Attendance increased, and as a bonus, I enjoyed a continued membership with both organizations.

Beyond the sphere of public education, doubt-free determination facilitated my impact in the community. I am seventeen; I cannot vote in the upcoming elections. However, that does not mean I will hesitate to make a mark with my city. Small actions, from teaching addition to a church member’s kindergartener to tutoring three classmates for the SAT, matter in the long run. Can a teenage end world hunger? Doubtful; but by pulling weeds from the community garden, I can further progress one step at a time.

Not all actions end successfully. However, between cautious wisdom and failure, I choose action. I don’t fancy myself as wise; I’m not prone to doubt, nor am I perpetually cautious. I simply pursue my goal. As the wiser Homer has taught America, when torn between success and potential peril, one must simply “D’oh.”

招生官點評
在閱讀這份個人陳述時，有幾個關(guān)鍵主題。

首先，學(xué)習(xí)方法是積極的、深思熟慮的和反思的。特別是在開篇部分，以課程材料而不是課程名稱為中心，對學(xué)習(xí)的熱愛顯而易見。此外，在敘述中體現(xiàn)了跨學(xué)科學(xué)習(xí)的開放性，學(xué)習(xí)新的、不同的學(xué)科是文科經(jīng)驗的標(biāo)志，作者熟練地證明了這一點。

本文的另一個主題是利用知識進(jìn)行變革。作者表達(dá)了用有意義的方式改善社區(qū)的個人意愿，雖然可能很渺小，但在社區(qū)中創(chuàng)造變化的能力對其演變很重要。

最后，文中很顯然地展現(xiàn)了作者敢于冒險挑戰(zhàn)的意愿，讀起來令人興奮。我們通過文書了解了很多關(guān)于這個學(xué)生的信息，最重要的是其個人品質(zhì)如何與埃默里大學(xué)的使命和社區(qū)價值觀完美契合，很明顯作者已經(jīng)做好來到埃默里的準(zhǔn)備。

2 Analyze your changed opinions

Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.
題目：講述一個你生活中的故事，描述一個可以展示你的性格或幫助塑造它的經(jīng)歷。

In Fyodor Dostoevsky’s, “Crime and Punishment”, the character Sonia is metaphorically linked to Christ. After prostituting herself to feed her family, she covers her head and face in shawls, before lying on her bed face down and sobbing– through this, she is linked to the death of Jesus. Her mother, Katarina, kisses her feet while she sobs, the same way people in the churches of that time wept and kissed at the feet of idols to Christ. In this situation, Dostoevsky is implying that even something such as prostitution that might be deemed a sin can instead be that which allows one to be a Saint.

As my mother choked up while I described the above anecdote, I was filled with confusion. What could lead her to be so upset over this philosophical question? I asked if there was something she wanted to talk about and to say there was would be an understatement.

She described to me the process by which my Father, in pursuit of a sexual relationship with a young woman, had demolished our family’s house, and all of my Mom’s identifying documents, before successfully taking away both me and my brother. While my father wasn’t on my birth certificate for a Welfare bid, and my mother regained custody of me, my brother had to remain in the care of a man who put little emphasis on caring for his sons at that point in his life. My mother was left with no money, no place to live, and no friends who would lend their support. She turned to her sister for guidance and instead of love and compassion was met with cruelty, deceit, and greed.

My mother found a parallel between herself and Sonia. Both were faced with a problem the likes of which seems unsolvable and were thrust into a patriarchal system that far too often values little of women beyond the most primitive desires. Despite constant attempts to get herself onto a more admirable path, the system resisted her. She could not afford to purchase new identifying documents without missing rent, and I couldn’t handle being paraded through 105-degree weather. She was stuck. My dad came back and offered to continue their relationship after more than a year of abject poverty and lack of bodily autonomy. And she accepted the invitation into the man who had ruined her life for me.

After going through a phase of alcoholism and an instance of domestic violence against my Father, I viewed my mother as immoral, or misguided at the least. I was wrong. Despite experiencing some of the worst things a human can experience, and being able to tell nobody about it, she remained in a household with a man who intentionally hurt her beyond belief, for my well being. If there is a God above us, he views Sonia and my Mother not as sinners, but as Saints, and in that conviction, I could not be more absolute.

招生官點評
文學(xué)讓人們在寫作中看到自己。這篇文章對他的個人故事進(jìn)行了詳盡的描述。

作為招生專業(yè)人士，我們經(jīng)常被學(xué)生問到他們是否應(yīng)該談?wù)撍麄兊膫€人挑戰(zhàn)和經(jīng)歷。雖然我們對文書主題沒有偏好，但我們強(qiáng)調(diào)學(xué)生寫的文書要展現(xiàn)他們自己的聲音，而不是他們家庭和或社區(qū)的聲音。

這篇文章將文學(xué)、家庭和自我錯綜復(fù)雜地編織成一篇文章。老實說，這種性質(zhì)的文章有時很難完成。它需要清晰的寫作重點、清晰和簡潔。

這篇文章的優(yōu)勢在于開篇就明確了主題的要點和意圖，使讀者很容易理解故事情節(jié)。這篇文書的例子表明，無論主題是個人的還是虛構(gòu)的，故事的流程對于論文寫作的重要性與選擇主題一樣重要。

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
題目：一些學(xué)生的背景、身份、興趣或才能非常有意義，如果沒有這些，他們的申請將是不完整的。如果這聽起來像你，那么請分享你的故事。

3 Demonstrate your unshakeable curiosity
Most airplanes are constructed with seats in rows of two or three. Mathematically, that means no matter the configuration, someone in my family of five has to sit by a stranger. Ever since I was little, I always asked to be that person. Perhaps it’s the optimistic middle child in me, but I always considered the greatest possibility was that I could meet someone remarkable, and that the conversation could be anything on the spectrum from slightly interesting to life-changing.

From the time I could speak, I began to realize that overcoming communication barriers was an integral key to unlocking the enormous potential in constructing meaningful relationships with others. My father is a successful scientist, but he has also been profoundly deaf since birth. My childhood was spent understanding his intelligence while still struggling at times to convey basic needs because I was choosing words that were too difficult to lipread and that I couldn’t yet write. As a kid, I learned how to continually recalibrate my own approach to overcome the challenge of constantly being misunderstood. My ability to build a relationship with my father was contingent on spending a lifetime navigating around the communication barriers that exist for someone who cannot hear. At the time I didn’t foresee I was developing an aptitude for communication skills that would be critical for succeeding in so many other important areas.

Since kindergarten, I have loved Chinese culture. My mom got tired of me requesting panda birthday cakes year after year and seeing me dressed as a panda each Halloween until I grew out of every costume. In second grade, I convinced the owner of a noodle house to give me two Chinese lanterns that still hang in my room today. In my junior year of high school, I earned a competitive scholarship from the U.S. State Department to study abroad for the summer learning Mandarin and immersing myself in eastern culture. Being dropped into Chengdu, China when you don’t speak the language fluently and being cut off from all communication back home was not all the cuddly pandas and Tai chi in the park that I had fantasized. Once again, I found myself a toddler, unable to communicate basic needs. I wondered, “Are humans really supposed to eat all the foods you’re giving me?” I quickly learned the Chinese education system is one of unparalleled expectations, not for the meek. With every grade a student receives, they can see their successes or failures broadcasted on a board in front of the class. Each new day tested my adaptability, my resilience, and my digestive system. I, for the first time, realized what it must feel like to be my father on the other side of the communication barrier, not just trying to express my needs, but trying to really understand what others are saying. At the end of the program I was told I had been unanimously voted by my school administration in China to represent the scholarship recipients and deliver a speech on their behalf to over 500 people… in Chinese. The flight was now descending after so many remarkable experiences and conversations with strangers.

Throughout my life, I have learned that the path to overcoming communication barriers is to will oneself through them. One must embrace it all and say “yes” to every new and uncomfortable experience. In the end, I returned home with a cultural awareness beyond expectation, possessing lifelong friendships with former strangers whom I now communicate with in their native language, and surprisingly loving the taste of rabbit eyeballs and cow intestines.

I am so grateful to have learned and confirmed in my life that stepping out of my comfort zone can, in fact, lead to experiences anywhere on the spectrum from slightly interesting to life-changing. On the flight home from China I, of course, chose to sit next to a stranger… and it didn’t disappoint.

招生官點評
從我讀到這篇文書的前幾句話開始，我就知道這位學(xué)生很適合 埃默里。他重視交流對話、好奇心旺盛、思想開放，這也是我們在埃默里學(xué)生身上尋找的品質(zhì)。

沒有多少人會承認(rèn)他們喜歡在飛機(jī)上與陌生人搭訕。這個學(xué)生會接受這類型的偶然相遇，因為他認(rèn)為這是學(xué)習(xí)和成長的機(jī)會。

在人們似乎是在錯誤地交流而不是交流的時代，這個學(xué)生顯然是一個了解言語可能對他人產(chǎn)生的影響，并專注于提高他的溝通技巧以與他人建立牢固關(guān)系的人，尤其是他的父親。

此外，這位學(xué)生確實走出了自己的舒適區(qū)，來到了中國一年，在那里親身經(jīng)歷了溝通障礙，找到了打破這些障礙的創(chuàng)造性解決方案，同時與他的同學(xué)們建立了橋梁。

這篇文章散發(fā)出關(guān)懷、同情和做出積極改變的愿望。這位學(xué)生清楚地體現(xiàn)了埃默里利用知識為人類服務(wù)的使命，我們迫不及待地期待他與埃默里大學(xué)展開那些有影響力的對話。

更多埃默里學(xué)生優(yōu)秀文書范本

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當(dāng)然，想要獲得夢校的青睞，除了能寫的一手好文書肯定是不夠的，過硬的學(xué)術(shù)實力才是你踏入夢校的底氣！

大家也可以利用課余時間參與一些國際賽事活動，豐富自己的學(xué)術(shù)生活，也為將來寫文書積累素材！

翰林國際賽事/國際課程夏季課程??
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