【雅思作文批改】6.5分：注意連詞的使用~

作文題目：

作文內(nèi)容：

The line chart illustrates ? the change of U.S energy consumption by fuel from the period of 1980 to 2030.

It was petrol and oil that ? remained the highest source during all the period with a 1.5 times increase ? from 35 units in 1980 to the projected number, around 50 units, in 2030. The ? second largest energy consumption came from coal and natural gas. The figure ? for the consumption were around 20 units for both items in 1980 after which ? saw significant growths, despite some fluctuations, in coal and natural gas ? when they reached the same level (about 23 units) in the year of 2015. After ? that, coal consumption is estimated to show upward trend continually to 30 ? units while that of natural gas remains stable at lower than 25 units.

Nuclear, ?solar\wind and hydropower were the least ? popular energy source ? [b1]?though their sales rose ? slightly during this period. The consumption for them stood at approximately ? 4 units in 1980, before nuclear sales ascending all the period until reaching ? a little under 10 units. It followed by solar\wind, which increased with little ? fluctuation and is projected to maintain steady at 5 units from 2015 to 2030. ? Hydropower showed the same pattern though its number [b2]?is lower than that of ? solar\wind.

In conclusion, the energy ? consumption from fossil fuel accounts for major sources and rose dramatically ? while clean energy was ? [b3]?maintain [b4]?a low level with slight ? increase.

[b1]sources

[b2]consumption number

[b3]去掉

[b4]maintained

各項細(xì)評：

針對問題最大的一點給出修改建議：

需要加入適當(dāng)連詞，讓句與句間邏輯更好，此外最后一段可以提及對未來的預(yù)測趨勢。

給出解決方案：

注意小錯誤，繼續(xù)努力。

附批改原圖：

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